Long overdue sabbatical...Dear Reader,
I'm going away from blog world for a while. Not too long, maybe a month to 6 weeks. There's a lot going on right now and I just cannot give any of my energies to writing for now. For the curious few, the novel never did start either. Maybe next year, who knows?!
Meanwhile, each of you out there who have been kind enough to bother looking me up every now and then, I apologize for running away like this, but I promise I'll be back! And if you want you can leave me a comment and I'll make sure to visit your blog and let you know when I'm back :)
Till then - keep smiling people! Muuuuaaaaaah!!
Lots of love,
Nutty
Complications... Aggravations... I'm at my wits end. I have no clue what I should do any more. This was not what my life was supposed to be like. I seem to have reached a dead end and I seem to be circling around it over and over again. Don't ask me how one circles around a dead end, just believe me it's possible.
For the first time in my life I was alone on Diwali. The one day of the year when I usually feel the real joy of being Indian and Hindu, no matter where I am, was spent alone, joy-less and depressed. How did I get this way? I do not know.
I need people. I need friends. Real friends, not just people who claim to be my friend. And friends who are physically present. I need family. I need the physical company of someone I can let my hair down and kick back with. I need conversation, not necessarily intelligent conversation but just some conversation. I need a life.
All my adult life I have been surrounded by people who I can hang out with, call at odd hours of the night, get drunk with or just simply walked the street aimlessly with. But ever since graduate school ended I seem to be living in this void where I touch no one and no one touches me*. The few people I used to hang out with have moved away or simply become too involved in their own lives. I'm told this process is called growing up. Considering I'm older than all of them I don't take to that too well.
My new job is awesome but it's a small company and no one really hangs out after work so the obvious avenue of making new friends is kind of not there. I do crazy things like join Hip-Hop classes and sign up for novel writing events. I go out, shopping, dining, to the movies, alone. I talk to complete strangers who probably think I'm a weirdo. Yet at the end of six months I find myself more alone than I had ever imagined I could be.
Here's what you're going to say - you need to put yourself out there. You need to mingle. You need to meet new people. If I hear that one more time I'm going to bite someones head off. Just how exactly do you "put yourself out there"? Other than hanging out like a desperate, pathetic woman at a singles bar (which I refuse to do) I really don't know what "put yourself out there" is supposed to mean.
And NO! I do NOT want to get married! So don't even think it.
This way of life is getting so depressing that it's affecting my work, my emotional stability, my health. And I have no idea how to fix it. This blog post is probably the most honest, desperate and pathetic one I have ever published so far so it's a testimonial to just how alone and desperate I am. So much so that I just don't care if it feels like I'm shouting out to the world at the top of my voice - "Is anyone there?! Does life exist on this planet that I live on?". I don't think I'm even going to proof read this post or edit it at all for fear of losing that voice which wants someone to hear me.
Maybe it's true. I am a loser with no life other than the one I live on the Internet.
*I am a rock - Simon and Garfunkel
