Half Sweet n' Half Nuts

Friends Forever...

Friendships change over time. Sometimes they change so drastically that in an instant what you once felt is gone. I'm not sure if I'm the only one who has been through this .. but there are moments when one realizes that some friends are like ships that pass by night... and some friendships transient.

Who is a friend at the end of the day? Someone you can talk to about your deepest fears and craziest dreams. Someone who gives you a call the minute they just have to share something. Someone who stands by you when you make the saddest of jokes or your life's most important decisions. The drunk call in the middle of the night, the cry for help, the surprise birthday party, the unexpected hug.

Yet a friend is also just another person. With their own shortcomings, insecurities and complexities. Someone you learn to understand over time. Sometimes there are disagreements. Sometimes little habits irritate before one gets used to them. And sometimes it just doesn't work the way it should.

Any friendship could go through a rough patch. Where both know its just a phase and if we just hold on, understand the other person for a little bit longer or just keep ones cool this phase will pass and all will be well again.

But then sometimes, very rarely, there comes that one instant when everything goes overboard and there is only so much you can take. When the leg pulling becomes hurtful and the understanding vanishes. When the other person is on the opposite team and it goes beyond getting back at each other for offences possibly imagined. In a flash all that you felt for that once beautiful friendship is now a distant nonchalance. An apathy that surprises you and leaves you feeling cold. All that comes to mind at that moment is to get away. No conflict or debate can set things right again. At that time you just dont care. When a relationship goes beyond dislike or hate into complete indifference it also goes beyond the possibility of being saved.

I don't know if I'm the only one who's ever felt this way. Its against every sugar-coated idea of friendship that has been written or published ever. The fact that every friendship runs the risk of just dying if both freinds are not aware of when the other person reaches that threshold. That friendship needs to be worked at just like any other relationship. Its not just about sharing happy moments. Its about reading the other persons reactions even when you're not in the best place yourself. Its also realizing when to give up. To just stop and give the other person their space. To let them remember the good stuff. To stay away till the indifference fades away into fond remembrance. Till maybe that memory revives a long forgotten friendship.

Add a memory...

I got together with some friends last weekend and we went to Gatlinburg, TN, a small blink-and-you'll-miss-it town on the foothills of the Smoky Mountains. I hadn't met most of the group for almost 2 years so it was great just seeing them again.

We spent the weekend doing nothing in particular. Walked around town, had a good Saturday night drinking session, caught up with each other, the usual. And then we finally decided to "do something" on Sunday before going back, so we went on a trail. A "nature trail" which was nothing more than a 2 mile walk amongst the trees running parallel to the highway, but lets not go into that...

At the end of the trail was a waterfall - Cataract Waterfalls as the board proudly announced. I remember I even remarked why would anyone name a waterfall after a disease?! Maybe I should have just held my tongue. At the waterfall (it was quite insignificant, not more than 15-20 ft high) we decided to climb to the top. Anything in the name of adventure! And that was when I added an unforgettable moment to the trip - I was climbing the rocks on the side of the fall and I slipped. Face down my chest hit the rocks and I felt my bones slam inward and all my breath whooshed out! For a few seconds all I could think of was "Breathe Goddammit!"

Hey! Don't worry! It was just a few minutes .. I'm OK now! But it was scary! Anyways so I caught the flight back home and went to the doc who told me I was still in one piece, no fractures and just a lot of bruises and "contusions". My ribs and right hand would need some support and were not to be strained. The pain would eventually go away and there was nothing anyone could do about it!

So I was home for a week wrapped in bandages and surviving on pain killers and my life support system (i.e. my two roomies and 3 other friends). That week I added more memories than I could imagine. Not to mention the number of things I learnt about myself :-)

I learnt its weird brushing my teeth with my left hand. That I cannot open the door to my aptt. with just 1 hand. And that it is impossible for me to get into my jeans with just 1 hand!! But I can wash my hair with just 1 hand though it takes a lot more shampoo...
I cannot stop typing no matter how much it hurts! I'm addicted to my laptop! Also no matter how much pain I'm in I can always go shopping!! :D

I realised my friends hurt as much as I do when I'm hurting. And that time its easy to depend on them just a little more than you need to. It's easy to just let them do everything and not pitch in to do even what little you can but you feel guilty as hell later on. And after a week of whining and hurting when u decide it been too long and you just let go .. the pain goes away. Not immediately and not completely but you can ignore it and move on.

And of course I don't know for sure yet but I could possibly be losing my job since I couldn't meet a deadline...

I went for the weekend to relive old memories. I came back with a whole lot more and then some that I gathered days after the trip. I guess you never know when in the monotony of your life ... you just add a memory!