Wednesday, February 06, 2008
Nature and Nurture
I have decided to never again make fun of Tuccha Kapoor. Ooops! My bad! Tusshar Kapoor. As you can see it will take me a little getting used to. Consider the following:
- He was born to a family that made his being a part of showbiz inevitable. (I mean, come on, he is Jeetendra's son, you know! What else could you possibly expect of a "star kid" these days?)
- He was born sans the good sense to stay away from being in front of the camera (and maybe follow his sister’s footsteps and do something else).
- He was also not born with a face (or body, or personality) that looked good in front of the camera and there really is little he can do about it.
- He really wants to be a "hero". You can see that from how hard he tries. It's sad, but it's true.
Given all these truths, it's obvious that God and Fate have been cruel enough with him. Why add insult to injury? So from now on, I'm going to refrain from splitting my sides laughing at him the next time I see him playing the saxophone wearing a neon orange shirt with reflector sunglasses. Actually I'm aghast that I laughed at that instead of wincing, in the first place!
But do you think it possible that if Tusshar had been born to a different family, he would have been a different person today? Or if his family had instilled more realistic expectations in him from himself, would he maybe even chosen a different life?
Or say, if my father had been younger when I was growing up or more outdoorsy with me, would I have been more athletic and sporty? Or if my mother had been a softer person, more delicate and fashionable, would I have grown up to be a more feminine person as opposed to someone who just can't care about babies or make-up or other such stuff a woman is supposed to care for?
For the most part, I consider myself to be "best buds” with most of the guys I know and "like a sister" to the few female friends I do have. Most of my girl friends are a lot like me, not usually given to frills and trivialities like make-up or beauty treatments. We're typically science majors, with just as much love for electronic gadgets as the next guy. We're happier fixing our laptops than fixing our nails.
So my question to you is, do you think such women (including me) consciously chose to be, what is stereotypically considered, less feminine or is it decided by the influences around them? Or are they just born with a "femininity quotient" if you will? And are these women really any less womanly?
Then again, is it possible for a woman to be feminine yet boyish? Can someone who enjoys the bawdy bar talk with a group of guys still very much be a woman in her behavior, attitude and appearance? Is it possible to be pretty and not be thought of as an air-head? Can a girl worry about her nails and still change a flat tire by herself? Or does it have to be one or the other?
Or is it only possible in theory but in reality a woman with the perfect balance is probably one of those rare super-achievers you often hear about but never really meet? Or are these merely stereotypes that we form in our heads, abstract and potentially highly inaccurate?
For the girls reading this - do you believe there is a difference in how people behave around you (professionally or socially) depending on how you appear? Not in the generic sense that if you're slovenly you're considered messy and probably disorganized. That's pretty much understood. But do you at times overlook your softer side to get a different response from the guys you know? Or alternatively play up the feminine wiles maybe? And does it upset you to be judged based on that?
For the guys - I know if I were to be more girly, a lot of my friends would treat me differently, like cuss less around me, not give in to crude guy talk, or expect me to "check out the hot thing at 11 o clock" with them. But how much does a girl's appearance and behavior matter in your dealing with her? Would you, say, date someone who swore and guzzled more beer than you? She could be a successful professional and perfectly presentable (just like you are) when required but when at home, she was just one of the guys. Would she be any less womanly to you?
I know it seems like I'm going through an identity crisis with another post questioning human behavior and the like so soon after my last one. For me this is, in part, an extended exercise in understanding how all of it works and if my life could be any different. The debate behind nature vs. nurture of course is an age old one with no possible resolution in sight. But I would like to know to what extent these factors affect our choices in life.
Of course, unfortunately, all this is quite useless for Tusshar, since the sax playing scene in the orange shirt and sunglasses has already been recorded for posterity. I only hope people don't judge him too harshly for it.
I have decided to never again make fun of Tuccha Kapoor. Ooops! My bad! Tusshar Kapoor. As you can see it will take me a little getting used to. Consider the following:
- He was born to a family that made his being a part of showbiz inevitable. (I mean, come on, he is Jeetendra's son, you know! What else could you possibly expect of a "star kid" these days?)
- He was born sans the good sense to stay away from being in front of the camera (and maybe follow his sister’s footsteps and do something else).
- He was also not born with a face (or body, or personality) that looked good in front of the camera and there really is little he can do about it.
- He really wants to be a "hero". You can see that from how hard he tries. It's sad, but it's true.
Given all these truths, it's obvious that God and Fate have been cruel enough with him. Why add insult to injury? So from now on, I'm going to refrain from splitting my sides laughing at him the next time I see him playing the saxophone wearing a neon orange shirt with reflector sunglasses. Actually I'm aghast that I laughed at that instead of wincing, in the first place!
But do you think it possible that if Tusshar had been born to a different family, he would have been a different person today? Or if his family had instilled more realistic expectations in him from himself, would he maybe even chosen a different life?
Or say, if my father had been younger when I was growing up or more outdoorsy with me, would I have been more athletic and sporty? Or if my mother had been a softer person, more delicate and fashionable, would I have grown up to be a more feminine person as opposed to someone who just can't care about babies or make-up or other such stuff a woman is supposed to care for?
For the most part, I consider myself to be "best buds” with most of the guys I know and "like a sister" to the few female friends I do have. Most of my girl friends are a lot like me, not usually given to frills and trivialities like make-up or beauty treatments. We're typically science majors, with just as much love for electronic gadgets as the next guy. We're happier fixing our laptops than fixing our nails.
So my question to you is, do you think such women (including me) consciously chose to be, what is stereotypically considered, less feminine or is it decided by the influences around them? Or are they just born with a "femininity quotient" if you will? And are these women really any less womanly?
Then again, is it possible for a woman to be feminine yet boyish? Can someone who enjoys the bawdy bar talk with a group of guys still very much be a woman in her behavior, attitude and appearance? Is it possible to be pretty and not be thought of as an air-head? Can a girl worry about her nails and still change a flat tire by herself? Or does it have to be one or the other?
Or is it only possible in theory but in reality a woman with the perfect balance is probably one of those rare super-achievers you often hear about but never really meet? Or are these merely stereotypes that we form in our heads, abstract and potentially highly inaccurate?
For the girls reading this - do you believe there is a difference in how people behave around you (professionally or socially) depending on how you appear? Not in the generic sense that if you're slovenly you're considered messy and probably disorganized. That's pretty much understood. But do you at times overlook your softer side to get a different response from the guys you know? Or alternatively play up the feminine wiles maybe? And does it upset you to be judged based on that?
For the guys - I know if I were to be more girly, a lot of my friends would treat me differently, like cuss less around me, not give in to crude guy talk, or expect me to "check out the hot thing at 11 o clock" with them. But how much does a girl's appearance and behavior matter in your dealing with her? Would you, say, date someone who swore and guzzled more beer than you? She could be a successful professional and perfectly presentable (just like you are) when required but when at home, she was just one of the guys. Would she be any less womanly to you?
I know it seems like I'm going through an identity crisis with another post questioning human behavior and the like so soon after my last one. For me this is, in part, an extended exercise in understanding how all of it works and if my life could be any different. The debate behind nature vs. nurture of course is an age old one with no possible resolution in sight. But I would like to know to what extent these factors affect our choices in life.
Of course, unfortunately, all this is quite useless for Tusshar, since the sax playing scene in the orange shirt and sunglasses has already been recorded for posterity. I only hope people don't judge him too harshly for it.
by nutty at 5:10 PM |
11 Comments:
woman of my dreams -
1. can take care of me.
2. understands guys' time out.
3. is trusting; cause I am a guy who can be crazy at times but I would never mislay anyone's faith in me.
4. loves traveling.
5. will tell me to shut up when need be.
6. loves being pampered.
7. doesn't care where we land up after 5 yrs as long as she trusts I will take care of her.
8. agrees that family is all important.
dunno about other guys but this is me.
it is a matter of how u see the person isn't it....
for eg,i thought tushar kapoor was the biggest loser ever till i saw khaaki! watch it.
@shool...yes yes i know i'm everyone's dream woman. stop describing me. i'm taken.
Zee; see point no 1; you dont fit the role.
but I do agree with you, Tushar acted brilliantly in Khakhi and even more so in Shootout @ Lokhandwala.
I think that its' inherent in people's natures which way they lean... and then there's the family environment plus friends you make.. sometimes the place you stay in! everything has an influence in making up a person... I am exactly like the woman you described, more comfortable being real rather than a girlie girl... I could do the most amount of make up I thought I could handle, and turns out it's the least as compared to others.. I've had colleagues (back in India) stare at me when I gave a gaali when something was bugging me at work... so un-lady like... but it's all sujective.. I have days when I go to the mall in sweats, while other days I'm all dressed up to go to the nearest cafe for a brunch!
Needless to say I'm rambling.. but people are who they are, and what others make of it is influenced by their own experiences and expectations..
And needless to add, ofcourse I've pondered over the exact same thing because I face this all the time...
First of all, Love the new look of blog..
yeah yeah.. m late.. but kinda stayin away from virtual world these days..
Now about the post and sentiment behind it.. I think i've been managing both sides of gender persona pretty nicely til now.. winning shot contests with frnds in bars.. dress nicely n look like perfect Indian woman.. Curse in Hindi at every useless driver.. reprimand people for using bad language..
So.. i'm blabbering now.. But point here is "Yes, every behavior, every step is generalized but it's your call to either go with generalization or create new rules"
Problem is once you start dating one of the guys, they kinda start expecting you to be more lady-like and less like their best friend.. weird but true
so Shool still hitting on nutty?
you know me; try and try till you succeed
anyways tu Dilli kabh shift kar raha hai?
@anshul - while that list is good to know it doesn't quite touch on the questions that I was wondering about :) Do you mean to say that a girls "femininity quotient" doesn't factor at all in your relationship with a girl\woman?
@zee - I did see khaki (and shootout as well) .. just goes to prove he would do a lot better if he didn't try to be the stereotypical hero :)
@still searching - you're like me .. there is a prejudice and cynicism reflected in our attitude towards the girly girls .. who's to say they're not "real" ? I wonder where our prejudice comes from? Is it arrogance or a defense mechanism?
@another dreamer - thnku! thnku!
so I guess I'm not the only one who has noticed how guys suddenly want you to be softer once you're "their gurl" :)
btw - you do an awsm job of managing both personas :)
@cool - errrrr......????? :)
I think it's a bit of both.. It goes deeper than just appearances... It's the same cynicism or arrogance I have against women who don't work for a living, whether or not they need the money... I'm talking about those who never thought beyond their homes.. while maintaining a good home is a quality I respect, I don't have much respect for those who choose to stay at home without circumstances dictating it... I know I am not right in having these biases, but I guess it's because of my upbringing, my schooling etc that I have developed this attitude.. It could be arrogance more than defense, but yes, I know that even if I really wanted to, I couldn't be a girlie girl, so I built up a shield saying "the heck, I dont want to be!"
Makes sense?
Pt 6 covers that
anyways I know it was off the topic but why do you have to justify your way of being; if you are seen as a bud among guys its ok; if you dont like girly gangs its ok; you are you; so why have these Qs?
I am seen as an arrogant and aggressve son-of-a-bitch by a lot of ppl but my friends know that I am there at the drop of a hat... do I care about what others think? Dont have the time missy.
chill out and dont have prejudice against others.
Though I agree with another dreamer on the last statement; there are guys who still look at their women as their best friends.
@still searching - yes, I know exactly what you mean! Thank you for helping me understand a little bit of myself and realizing it's ok to be this way, there are others like me :)
@anshul - it's easy to discount what others think about you if the "others" don't matter to you. But when everyone you know, including friends who do mean something to you, re-iterate similar sentiments, it's not a bad idea to step back and consider if they have a valid point. Self improvement is a constant effort and all forms of feedback are good to a point. I ask questions to find out if its unusual to be the way I am .. and if there is a general opinion on such questions and if I can consider them and maybe even conform to them if they make sense... ok, I'll stop now! :)
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