Monday, January 21, 2008
I, Me and Myself
If two of your closest friends, who had never met or spoken to each other, were to describe you to each other, do you think their descriptions would be similar?
There are times when it feels like there are so many people living in my head, that I’m not quite sure which of them is the “real me”. Or if there even is a “real me”. There are people who rely on me for advice on the toughest situations, and there are people who look after me rather than look to me for guidance. There are people who think I’m the spice of every party, the drama queen. And then I know of people who think of me as reserved and shy, an introvert who lacks social skills and needs to come out of her shell. There are days when I’m a writer or a poet, and others when I’m a geek, a lover of science. I can fix the blinds and the plumbing, put up curtain rods and picture frames on walls. But I can’t assemble a coffee table by myself. I can cook a complete four course meal for a guest list of ten in a day. But I’ve also been known to eat salsa and chips for dinner when I’m by myself.
I’m considered mature, crazy, romantic, practical, a laugh riot, a scary manic depressive. I am extremes and I’m nothing. I sound like that Meredith Brooks’s song, “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover”. I think that song epitomizes how every woman would like to think of herself.
These last few days I have been forced to do some introspection. I need a plan. I need to know where I’m headed. But most importantly I need to decide the kind of person I have grown into and what that person wants from life. It hasn’t quite been easy, but it’s been interesting. It’s not easy to know who you really are, to understand that person and to actually like that person. I don’t know if I’ll ever really completely know who I am. I do tend to surprise myself often. It keeps the learning process alive. And I’d like to believe I keep growing as a person, changing with the winds of time.
If two of your closest friends, who had never met or spoken to each other, were to describe you to each other, do you think their descriptions would be similar?
There are times when it feels like there are so many people living in my head, that I’m not quite sure which of them is the “real me”. Or if there even is a “real me”. There are people who rely on me for advice on the toughest situations, and there are people who look after me rather than look to me for guidance. There are people who think I’m the spice of every party, the drama queen. And then I know of people who think of me as reserved and shy, an introvert who lacks social skills and needs to come out of her shell. There are days when I’m a writer or a poet, and others when I’m a geek, a lover of science. I can fix the blinds and the plumbing, put up curtain rods and picture frames on walls. But I can’t assemble a coffee table by myself. I can cook a complete four course meal for a guest list of ten in a day. But I’ve also been known to eat salsa and chips for dinner when I’m by myself.
I’m considered mature, crazy, romantic, practical, a laugh riot, a scary manic depressive. I am extremes and I’m nothing. I sound like that Meredith Brooks’s song, “I’m a bitch, I’m a lover”. I think that song epitomizes how every woman would like to think of herself.
These last few days I have been forced to do some introspection. I need a plan. I need to know where I’m headed. But most importantly I need to decide the kind of person I have grown into and what that person wants from life. It hasn’t quite been easy, but it’s been interesting. It’s not easy to know who you really are, to understand that person and to actually like that person. I don’t know if I’ll ever really completely know who I am. I do tend to surprise myself often. It keeps the learning process alive. And I’d like to believe I keep growing as a person, changing with the winds of time.
Do you know who you really are? Are you constant in being yourself, or do you, like me, put on different masks at different times? Are you happy being you?
by nutty at 3:10 PM |
12 Comments:
So again, its kinda strange that I've been exactly the same thing these days, and just this morning I thought of writing a post on it... the dichotomy of who I am, I can't figure it out, and neither can others... everyone has different things to say about me, it's like I'm a 100 different people inside the same mind...
I think we all go through this introspective periods, which is why I am thinking of it at the same time as you.. OR, we're just freakily similar again! Anyways, here's hoping we both know where we're headed.. soon..
u're a virgo.......u'll always feel like a split personality....some days when someone says something to me i think.......awwwwwwwww so sweet....on other days i want to whack the person for the same comment.........
i swear man...that song puts everything in perspective for my life...i'm a bitch i'm a lover i'm a sinner i'm a saint....
nice short post from you this time...but again one that makes you think and question!!! I am a 100 different people rolled into one, a true Gemini I think. I think the older you grow the more you introspect about yourself. There are days when I am happy with being me and days when I am like uh ho...
Zee Khan.. don't generalise too much for virgos...
I am very happy being what i am... most of the times we are unhappy for external things... enough gyaaan.....
Ouch! Not the question I want to ponder! In as much as it is thought provoking I will fend these away!
@still searching - what can i say? I'm at a loss for words! you really do scare me at times like this! But then I take solace in the knowledge that if I'm weird I'm not alone! Lol!
No worries, gurl! Multiple personalities keeps life interesting for us ;)
@Zee - I thought Virgos were supposed to be the more straight laced no-nonsense of all zodiacs?! O well, whatever works I guess :P
@chaitali - hehehe! I guess I do let my words loose just a lil too much ;)
if growing older is in any way proportional to introspection then I fear I may have been born a granny :P (some may say loser .. I'll stick to granny) :D
@cool - why am i not surprised!?! you're very lucky though .. touch wood! ur blog id shud be cool gyaani ;)
@candid - hehehehe! fine! we shall spare you this time! :)
its called L I F E
whether its dichotomy or a feeling of being lost or good or bad, I dont know... but what you are now is very different from what you were and will be different from what you will be; we all evolve.
as long as your basics are in place i.e. you remaina good person and you dont fundamentally alter that I dont see a problem.
I loved this post a lot :) I've been thinking of the same things as you recently as well. And well, I also need a plan and a direction -- a more clear cut one.
It's good to be reflective once in a while just to assess your situation and if you really like where you are. I get that quite a bit and I could never figure out if I only like where I am because people wish me to be here (like, they approve of it)... or if I'm genuinely happy of where I am.
It's always a mystery -- and a tragedy at the same time.
I hope you have better luck than me :)
See.. I was right to use that song to describe me for last 10 yrs.. :)
N you have again made people think and wonder... :P
OH MY GOD!!! Damnit! Why dont I know how to do such cool things with my template?!!! I think tech is where our similarities end! lol!!
There are some aspects of myself that I would like to change but otherwise I am happy being me.
But I know what you mean. I am a chatterbox, an extrovert, love making friends, and warm up easily to strangers. And yet I got an evaluation from one of my professors saying that I was "quiet, will work better individually than in a team, and reserved". I went bonkers!!
@anshul - I'm not sure you got the gist of what I was talking about. It's the basics, as you mentioned, that I was talking about, the real fundamental person that I am. To understand those basics and figure out where that person is headed was my quest :)
And about changing with time, that's what I said too, everyone changes a little with time. But how many of us really know what we have become at any given instant? Thats the awareness that I am looking for.
@princess - :) thank you. I wish you luck too!
@another dreamer - Sorry! :P
@still searching - LOL!All you need is Google and a few pics of Disneyland and a good photo editing software. Thats all gurl!
@solitaire - Hehehehe! I can completely understand! Ah! Us multi-faceted interesting people ;D
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