Saturday, October 06, 2007
Runaway Brides and Chasing Cars...
The thoughts behind this post were triggered, in part, by conversations I have had with different friends over this last week and, in part, by Still Searching (in her post here) when she wondered – “…do you think you can have a crush on someone whose blog you like? Or whose comments you like? Does that sound plausible or preposterous?!”
There are crushes, there is attraction, there are degrees of getting along, and finally there is true love. All this and more has been on my mind for the last few days. I had mentioned in one of my earlier posts about the marriage brigade getting serious. I thought I’d follow the path of least resistance and let them do their scouting around. It really doesn’t harm me sitting so far away and they’re busy, believing they’re really working at something fruitful. It is a little mean, I agree, but a guilty conscience is a small price to pay for peaceful conversations every time I talk to them on the phone.
At the same time I realize that I may be ready to take the plunge too, if the opportunity for true love were to miraculously present itself. It isn’t unreasonable to start thinking about preparing oneself for this eventuality. So I took to thinking about what I would want from a lifelong relationship with someone. A lot of realistic, serious introspection followed and, as expected, it threw up a lot of questions on Love, Life, the Universe, and Everything. (No, the “Love” part doesn’t change anything. The answer is still 42. The “Everything” takes care of it, remember?)
Coming back to the questions, what is it that attracts one person to another? And where do you define the distinction between infatuation, or a crush, and, the heavier, love? Is it really as simple as one is purely physical and the other a meeting of minds? But then, as proved by the comments on Still Searching’s post, a lot of people believe you can have a crush by just reading what someone thinks, over the Internet. I mean, I thought the whole point of anonymity, or alias identities in blog-world, was the freedom to be a different person, write about and say things you normally wouldn’t want people who know you to read about. Why else does each one of us have a nickname and even if we know someone’s real name we know it shouldn’t be revealed. But then, we also add fellow bloggers as friends on Facebook, or Orkut, or what have you, when we stumble onto them in that parallel social universe. My personal favorite is when Facebook gives you the confirmation “You and XYZ are now friends.
But I digress.
When you meet that special someone, the dynamics are complex and multi-faceted. You connect at so many different levels. You have to get along, you have to have your basic fundamentals in sync, you need to be comfortable in each others’ presence, you need to feel a flutter, and yes, you need to have that physical pull. It’s a meeting of mind, body and soul, to put in extremely cheesy words. You can spend hours talking to someone, spend nights driving around the city being in complete sync, but it may never go beyond a really beautiful friendship you cherish all your life. What was missing, you wonder? I don’t know, really. I guess it was just not to be.
But then, you talk to a friend who has been with her special someone for a few years now, and now is freaking out a month before they’re due to get married, wondering if it is right thing to do. If they don’t know after years, how can you ever know? And then you hear of another friend, and a cousin, who decided by meeting their life partners just once that this was it. And they’re happy. My cousin isn’t even a newly wed any more. My boss has been married for five years now and in his words – “The only way you can get a marriage to work is by behaving as if you’re newly weds for the rest of your life”. Could it really be that simple?
How can we ever know for sure? Do we have a snow ball’s chance in hell to find that perfect relationship? What criteria do we establish to decide? I haven’t reached any conclusions yet, but I do know this – You can have a crush on anyone. On a photograph, on a fellow blogger, on someone you see across the room every day, on a friend. You can love more than one person at a time, but I don’t think you can be in love with two people at the same time. And you can never be sure of anything.
I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things
Will never change for us at all
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
-- Chasing Cars, Snow Patrol
by nutty at 2:35 PM |
24 Comments:
Firstly, I am very flattered that my post inspired you to write a whole post! And it turns out that these are the exact thoughts that I've been getting in the past few months, I think stemming from the fact that we are both at the same "stage" in life right now..
I have a lot of other things to say, but I'm supposed to be doing PC with some guests at my relatives place, so my brain is coming with only cheesy things to say, having been doing that the whole evening...
Catch you soon.. I promise to be back!
hmmmmm - well i do like the way you write. and i was rather amused by the line about facebook official-izing a friendship :) as i've told you "elsewhere" i really like well written english - it makes me happy!
as far the actual content of the blog is concerned - well the problem with life, love and relationships is that they are analysed to death. and where, young nutty, where does the constant analysis get us?
and so i have decided to avoid any sort of analysis! let's just see where the world takes me :)
I love the song as well as the video; for a few days after I had first seen it, I used to listen to it a little obsessively.
again the word "perfect"; yaar why do ppl search for perfection I dont understand.
Anyway, I always believe in getting basics right and getting on with it.
More importantly it makes much more sense to be with someone whom you think you can be friends for life with rather than thinking you "love" someone, because after sometime thats what really the relationship ends up as right?
Uske aage who knows yaar; just get on with it.
1 usual trap is friends getting married; its a trap because its one thing being friends and "practically staying together" and totally another about actually staying together; because in the latter you really get to know the person his/her habits blah blech.
besides that crushes, infatuation come and go even when ppl get married yaar; its how you deal with them is what makes sense. I have a couple friend & they share with each other who they have a crush on etc, guess how long they've been married 22 yrs and still going strong; why because they live like friends and enjoy every moment of it.
That will be me in some years! harmony, openness, respect, faith and will to live life! TW
btw what do you do?
This must why people say love is like sky diving!
Tie a blind fold over your eyes and scream "Geronimo!!!"....and hope for the best....
Brrr....gives me the creeps frankly!
@still searching - still waiting :)
@ganju - thank you! glad to oblige! though most of the credit goes to my critic and editor so I thank you on his behalf as well and I shall certainly thank him for just being him :)
do not over-analyze! is that your wisdom ganjuji? well sounds alright to me tho I'm sure it's easier said than done. :)
@satyajit - yes it certainly is a popular track :)
@anshul - while I don't disagree that friendship is definitely a critically important ingredient I was kinda hoping there would be more to it than friendship .. time will tell I guess. Interesting that you don't mention love in what you look for in your relationship a few years from now ...
what do i do? I sleepwalk through life for the most part .. and during my few waking moments I blog :)
@bullshee - LOL! Yes I suppose if I were to look at love like that it would give me the creeps as well :D
yaar what is love?
love is a combination of comfort; giving; accomodating to your "love"; sacrficing (at times); missing the person when s/he isnt there; caring for what s/he cares for... all of this right?
so thats just a relationship attached to a friendship; but the base is always a friendship
you think you could love someone who could never be a friend of yours? NO.
Chillesh!
Oh god.. this is crazy coincidence .. but im going through something very very similar .. also listening to snow patrol and posted about this marriage thing on my blog .. 2nd last post .. do read if u find a chance .. u feel like a kindred soul! :)
love is complicated....marriage more so....take the plunge and find out....
ps- chasing cars rocks!!
interesting post.....
I have stopped analysing all this anyways analysing wasn't resulting in anything and just moving forward in life and listing to my heart than my mind, guess thats me..........
Simple solutions seldom are!
a) No analysis. It kills the joy in any relationship.
b) You learn swimming ONLY by jumping into the water. Such is the power of a good relationship. (I had an arranged marriage, and can safely say that I couldn't have asked for a better partner!) So there ARE chances of finding a great person either by yourself, or by the well-meaning relatives brigade!
Chin up... :)
@anshul - arre dude so agreeing with you na .. ki its friendship + an X factor ;)
@unpredictable - read your post .. wow! you do feel like a kindred spirit :)
@zee - wise words from the witty? wow! :D you're probably right though...
@cool - yup that definitely seems like a good thing + everyone seems to highly recommend it :D
@cuckoo - wow! way to go! thanks tho! you make me believe there is hope in the world yet :D
aila; ppl have begun agreeing with me?
Well written..some real analysis of Ruchika's post..
And probably considering that most bloggers come in the age group 24-28 makes it even more interesting..It is sort of convincing each other..and trying to find what the other thinks about it..
Nvertheless I must admit that it quite possible that feeling of crush..love..or whatever..is possible without really seeing the person..I wouldnt have said this a year ago.But now I feel it is quite probable..
I have always a feelin that fallin in love is more or less intutive than weighing the pros and cons of a relation..Once you are in love you subconsciously convinces yourself that the person is the best for you...
Wonderfully put down....it is so confusing...n how do we know??? very very well written...
Amazing post, dude... One of my friends used to say.."There is a very thin line, dividing friendship and love;.. and I love to flirt with that line..!" Needless to say, he had the female junta swooning away.. :D
Madhavan said in RDB: "Koi bhi desh perfect nahin hota hai. Use perfect banana padta hai..."
True for everything. Nothing is 100%. So, instead of waiting for the 'perfect' one.... i think one should make one.
@anshul - kaise din aa gaye hain?! hai na?
@matthew - thanks! I guess you're right... not everything in life can be over analyzed and decided upon with a pro/con list :)
@illuson - I guess we'll never know! sigh!
@sirpy - I like your friend :) thats a damn nice line :)
@adarsh - I don't its fair to get into a relationship with the agenda of changing someone to be your perfect partner ... but yes maybe changing your expectations and loving the person as they are to make the relationship possible is one way to go ... easier said than done I fear!
This may be because I'm commenting on a day when I feel the whole world is screwed up, but at the end of the day its all a compromise.. you dnt get what you want, you get what you dont want, you learn to compromise or be discontented..
Oh brighther days, I'd like to believe that you dont know when you'll "bump" into that special someone... and then trust life to take its own course...
P.S: I know, that was very random.
@still searching - awww!!! don't you worry that magic will happen! as a friend of mine says - we're good people and we deserve good things to happen to us .. and there is absolutely no reason to believe that they won't!
and now that you have finally responded I think I can assume that to be the last of the comments this post shall generate and move on to the next one :)
just kidding .. I wasn't really waiting for you :D
Oh, nevertheless, I'm very glad you didn't post anything new so that I could offer my two-bit cynicism to the world in general!! :))
thats jst every single thing i thought abt marriage, and i m in the exact same place as u r..
and i love the song 2..
and yaa.. u can hav a crush on anyone.. crush is the most heavenly feeling .. isnt it
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