Monday, June 11, 2007
Divorce... Or something like that.
I have a friend who has been living with her partner for over twenty-five years now but they're still not married. The way she put it is, when you've been living together for this long, whatever name you give it, it's still a marriage.
She is also a strong supporter of gay marriages since, according to her, there is really no good reason for gays to be spared the distress of being married! (Sounds good to moi :D !)
I, on the other hand, have been living with my room mates for a little over a year now and, while ours isn't quite a lesbian menage a trois (sorry to disappoint you guys!), we're still family. We're sisters from different parents. We fight, we bitch, we gossip and we cry. There are times we hate each other, but no matter what, we always stand by each other. This post is really not about my relationship with them and the past year that we have spent together. The innumerable testimonials on Orkut and at least a dozen older posts on this blog and others like it have already documented our friendship and consigned it to posterity.
This post is about what happens after.
Over the last year, we have made this dump (which our landlord calls an apartment) our home. We painstakingly picked out bathroom fittings and bedroom curtains. Most students wouldn't have changed a light bulb in their apartments. We have had everything, from blinds and window screens (which some of us call window meshes... err... "Where did you learn your English?!") to kitchen counter tops set in before us. With our limited means, we did up the place to make it our personal space.
Next month we're moving out and moving on.
We're not going to be living together any more. Though we'll always be friends we'll never be "roomies" again. To me it feels like a divorce of sorts. Last week we had our first conversation of how we're going to divide the kitchen effects. Who keeps what coffee mug. I know its just the first of many to follow. Its really not that bad since it will be amicable, by mutual consent. Yet I look around and wonder how we're going to lay claim on the million memories that beautify our living room.
Fridge magnets of the various trips we took together, shoes we bought together 'coz we share the same size (and, surprisingly, the same taste as well!), walls of photographs, of common friends and wonderful times spent together. Our extended family of stuffed toys, the lion co-existing with cows and the dolphin, the dog on the book shelf with the ridiculous pair of stoned teddy bears. The DVDs and the books, fact and fiction. I look at my room, my things, and I wonder how I'm going to decide what t-shirt to wear every morning. What would it be like to not have to worry about one of them wearing the same color that day?!
So much shared. So much forgotten. We make connections with the most mundane routines. Making three different kinds of tea, two different kinds of Maggi. We have to have something vegetarian and substantial with every meal (and no, daal does not count :-) ). Where we go, what we do, when we eat, it has to be unanimous. No one gets left behind.
I wonder why these connections should be considered any less life-changing than a marriage. And, is it really that unusual to mourn their death, even though it was inevitable?
Divorce. Its an ugly word. All the amicability cannot ease its pain. "We're still friends", they say. "We used to be family", remains unsaid.
This is my tribute to the unsaid. To my family. I wish you the best in the years to come. And no matter where I am, there will always be room for you in my home because you will always be family to me.
She is also a strong supporter of gay marriages since, according to her, there is really no good reason for gays to be spared the distress of being married! (Sounds good to moi :D !)
I, on the other hand, have been living with my room mates for a little over a year now and, while ours isn't quite a lesbian menage a trois (sorry to disappoint you guys!), we're still family. We're sisters from different parents. We fight, we bitch, we gossip and we cry. There are times we hate each other, but no matter what, we always stand by each other. This post is really not about my relationship with them and the past year that we have spent together. The innumerable testimonials on Orkut and at least a dozen older posts on this blog and others like it have already documented our friendship and consigned it to posterity.
This post is about what happens after.
Over the last year, we have made this dump (which our landlord calls an apartment) our home. We painstakingly picked out bathroom fittings and bedroom curtains. Most students wouldn't have changed a light bulb in their apartments. We have had everything, from blinds and window screens (which some of us call window meshes... err... "Where did you learn your English?!") to kitchen counter tops set in before us. With our limited means, we did up the place to make it our personal space.
Next month we're moving out and moving on.
We're not going to be living together any more. Though we'll always be friends we'll never be "roomies" again. To me it feels like a divorce of sorts. Last week we had our first conversation of how we're going to divide the kitchen effects. Who keeps what coffee mug. I know its just the first of many to follow. Its really not that bad since it will be amicable, by mutual consent. Yet I look around and wonder how we're going to lay claim on the million memories that beautify our living room.
Fridge magnets of the various trips we took together, shoes we bought together 'coz we share the same size (and, surprisingly, the same taste as well!), walls of photographs, of common friends and wonderful times spent together. Our extended family of stuffed toys, the lion co-existing with cows and the dolphin, the dog on the book shelf with the ridiculous pair of stoned teddy bears. The DVDs and the books, fact and fiction. I look at my room, my things, and I wonder how I'm going to decide what t-shirt to wear every morning. What would it be like to not have to worry about one of them wearing the same color that day?!
So much shared. So much forgotten. We make connections with the most mundane routines. Making three different kinds of tea, two different kinds of Maggi. We have to have something vegetarian and substantial with every meal (and no, daal does not count :-) ). Where we go, what we do, when we eat, it has to be unanimous. No one gets left behind.
I wonder why these connections should be considered any less life-changing than a marriage. And, is it really that unusual to mourn their death, even though it was inevitable?
Divorce. Its an ugly word. All the amicability cannot ease its pain. "We're still friends", they say. "We used to be family", remains unsaid.
This is my tribute to the unsaid. To my family. I wish you the best in the years to come. And no matter where I am, there will always be room for you in my home because you will always be family to me.
by nutty at 11:33 PM |
16 Comments:
awwwwwwwwwww what a lovely post!!!!!! :) don't know how it feels to have a flatmate.....i had a roommate once and that was the toughest one month of my life!
but i know what it's like to feel some friends are close enough to feel like family.......
Damn!I'll be going through the same thing at the end of the month....splitting up stuff.of course the window curtains(curtains, what the hell are curtains??) don't apply for us! But still, its the memories we leave behind.the late nights, the chats, the parties, the shared fags.....
Lovely post...I used to live with two very close friends...we had a blast and yes they did become family!!!!
I look back at those years with great fondness...
Lovely write-up! Yes, friends like these do become family.
Beautfully expressed...
I agree.. You still stay friends but miss the family part.. N all thnks to u, my bang yr is most memorable due to my roomie..
In fact, I still refer to her as roomie loads of time.. only to realize no more midnight gossips and crib sessions :(
One of my roomies is practically a soul sister! We still talk about those days. Cherish those moments. Thank God for memories. and photos. and email. and mobile phones.
Wow! The response this post generated is overwhelming! Thank you guys!
@zee - you had a roomie??!! O the poor gurl! I hope that one month didn't scar her for life! just kidding :)
@bullshee - I am so not looking forward to it! Specially since I'm going to be moving out back on my own .. its going to be really weird!
@chaitali - Thank you! Thank God for the memories and of course making such awsm friends is always good :) Thats why its worth everything I guess!
@the black king - thank you!
@cm-chap - thank you!
@dreamer - babes you're family for me too even tho I was spared from being your roomie for longer than a week :P
@cuckoo - my sentiments exactly! :)
My roommate just left the city at begining of this month... we were staying together for last 28 months and changed 3 houses in the time... i shifted alone to the 4th one......
and I do miss him.. but guess life goes on.....
@cool - Awwww! Don't worry.. we'll both get by on our own somehow...
she swept her side of the room and pushed all the dirt to my side, opened the windows to let all the lizards come in and didn't let me listen to music........dahling, i'm the one who was scarred for life!
@zee - OUCH! My apologies! I retract my earlier response! Muah! :)
Awww... this is such a sweet post!!! And I totally understand the feeling of leaving a shared space.. though the last roomie I had drove me nuts and eventually we "went our separate ways"! :)) Which worked out well for me though, so no regrets!
I loved the post and its true family need not be only those with ties of blood.
read this post just now; I had 2 neighbours while I was in Bombay and htey were more room mates than neighbours for we were always together; the stuff you do well besides the crying part even we would do; actulaly replace crying with alcohol and yup you have us!
anyways I am back in Bombay for 4/5 days and staing with one of them out of rememberance; expect a blog and no gay stuff hon!
I used to live with a roomie before, and even though we didn't spend much time living in the house together (we got posted all around the place), it broke my heart when we had to give up the place and have the stuff divided and all that... I'm scarred enough to live alone now :-)
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