Sunday, June 03, 2007
Dream a little dream...
As she walked to the departure terminal for her flight back home, everyone around looked at her and smiled. A youngish girl smartly dressed in a business suit with the regular stroller and black laptop bag with a huge bowl of ice cream and a smile of pure joy on her face - it was an amusing sight, she guessed. But it was going to be a long flight home, and the ice cream was necessary she reasoned with her herself and happily dug in.
She settled in to her seat and was dozing almost as soon as the plane began taxiing. It was dark outside and soon she was somewhere far away in her dreams. Was it somewhere she wanted to be?
She dreamed of arriving at an airport, that was not her home. Most unusual she felt someone was there to receive her. She mostly traveled alone to destinations where she knew no one and had to get a cab to the hotel. It was her job and a way of life. She didn't expect him to be there waiting to pick her up. She walked out and saw him standing there and realized what airport she was at. And suddenly a fear gripped her. She looked into his face, searching for some sign to tell her he was happy she was there and this was going to be OK. It was not another one of her crazy whims and it was not something she had built up in her head. But his face was blurred and her memory of him, even in her dreams, was not too strong any more.
It had been too long she told herself with a small sigh, as the sleep drifted away for a little while before overtaking conscious thought again. And she thought of what she had searched for in that face she couldn't see. It had come to her, years earlier, as if in another dream and at a time when she needed a reason to hope. A reason to believe that if she worked harder things would get better. A reason to live. And in that desperation she had foolishly pinned all her hopes on that face. It had oddly enough helped her get by when moments of despair hit hard.
Her friends had not understood her quest at the time. Her search for a new reservoir of strength. It was one of them who had said - "Humans are nothing more than parasites, who leech off each other to get the strength to fight their daily battles. This is a relationship they call friendship, and the strongest in the group is often the loneliest". She had agreed and realized she was the biggest leech of them all at that moment and it was still not giving her the strength she needed. So she had tried to stay away rather than taint them with her weakness, and found solace in this dream of her guardian angel. In her dream she saw the black of the airplane window as a gap between her friends and herself, and she saw it widening into this infinite space till she could see them no more.
The lady at the back moved, nudging her awake and then by mistake brushed the top of her head with her fingers. It was a small gesture that transported her back to the room of her childhood, at home, where her mother would wake her up every morning, by patting her on the head and murmuring softly. It was still her favorite way to wake up. In her half-sleep she smiled. Thinking of her mother always made her smile.
As the plane hit the runway she woke up, just as easily as she did seconds before the alarm by her bedside ran every morning and sighed. Life, in some aspects, was still a dream to her. She had got all she ever wanted, the corner office at the multi national consultancy firm headquarters, the apartment in poshest sky scraper in the heart of the city, her space... all hers. Alone, by choice. Living her life by the day and doing everything her way. So she sighed her dream away and got ready to disembark. As she walked to the line of taxis outside, she stopped for a second and gave in to the temptation to look over her shoulder at the crowd of people waiting to pick up their loved ones and go home. Dreams could only be indulged in within the safety of the night. Gently chastising herself in her head she shook her head and turned away.
Dreams. Sigh.
As she walked to the departure terminal for her flight back home, everyone around looked at her and smiled. A youngish girl smartly dressed in a business suit with the regular stroller and black laptop bag with a huge bowl of ice cream and a smile of pure joy on her face - it was an amusing sight, she guessed. But it was going to be a long flight home, and the ice cream was necessary she reasoned with her herself and happily dug in.
She settled in to her seat and was dozing almost as soon as the plane began taxiing. It was dark outside and soon she was somewhere far away in her dreams. Was it somewhere she wanted to be?
She dreamed of arriving at an airport, that was not her home. Most unusual she felt someone was there to receive her. She mostly traveled alone to destinations where she knew no one and had to get a cab to the hotel. It was her job and a way of life. She didn't expect him to be there waiting to pick her up. She walked out and saw him standing there and realized what airport she was at. And suddenly a fear gripped her. She looked into his face, searching for some sign to tell her he was happy she was there and this was going to be OK. It was not another one of her crazy whims and it was not something she had built up in her head. But his face was blurred and her memory of him, even in her dreams, was not too strong any more.
It had been too long she told herself with a small sigh, as the sleep drifted away for a little while before overtaking conscious thought again. And she thought of what she had searched for in that face she couldn't see. It had come to her, years earlier, as if in another dream and at a time when she needed a reason to hope. A reason to believe that if she worked harder things would get better. A reason to live. And in that desperation she had foolishly pinned all her hopes on that face. It had oddly enough helped her get by when moments of despair hit hard.
Her friends had not understood her quest at the time. Her search for a new reservoir of strength. It was one of them who had said - "Humans are nothing more than parasites, who leech off each other to get the strength to fight their daily battles. This is a relationship they call friendship, and the strongest in the group is often the loneliest". She had agreed and realized she was the biggest leech of them all at that moment and it was still not giving her the strength she needed. So she had tried to stay away rather than taint them with her weakness, and found solace in this dream of her guardian angel. In her dream she saw the black of the airplane window as a gap between her friends and herself, and she saw it widening into this infinite space till she could see them no more.
The lady at the back moved, nudging her awake and then by mistake brushed the top of her head with her fingers. It was a small gesture that transported her back to the room of her childhood, at home, where her mother would wake her up every morning, by patting her on the head and murmuring softly. It was still her favorite way to wake up. In her half-sleep she smiled. Thinking of her mother always made her smile.
As the plane hit the runway she woke up, just as easily as she did seconds before the alarm by her bedside ran every morning and sighed. Life, in some aspects, was still a dream to her. She had got all she ever wanted, the corner office at the multi national consultancy firm headquarters, the apartment in poshest sky scraper in the heart of the city, her space... all hers. Alone, by choice. Living her life by the day and doing everything her way. So she sighed her dream away and got ready to disembark. As she walked to the line of taxis outside, she stopped for a second and gave in to the temptation to look over her shoulder at the crowd of people waiting to pick up their loved ones and go home. Dreams could only be indulged in within the safety of the night. Gently chastising herself in her head she shook her head and turned away.
Dreams. Sigh.
by nutty at 10:19 AM |
17 Comments:
For those who prefer a happy ending, you can replace the last line with the following paragraph though what is published is more true to the story I believe. :)
------------------------------------
And as she did so, she froze.
He was there. She hadn't gone to him, so he had come to her. His face had the questions she had had in her dream and hers gave him the answers she knew they both needed to have. She was happy. It was her dream come true.
Somehow, given how life generally is, the first ending is the more probable one.. which is sad..
This was written really well.. pretty much transported me into the dream, believing it to be mine!
hmmmmmmm u do dream a lot about the airport......
@ruchika - thank you!
@ zee - eh?! :(
"The strongest is the loneliest" - Completely agree..As we tread down the more we get stronger and independent and more lonelier by the day! End of the day fact!
Yup, this is life.. To be battled alone where each day brings a new surprise.
And i agree second ending rarely happens. Even though every time you come out of airport you wish it had..
Never mind, too many places to go, too many airports to be seen and too many dreams to be made true :)
we shall have our happy ending one day..
I think it is hope that spurs us on. Whether or not 'he' is at the airport, deep down we know life goes on. "Tomorrow is another day" - Scarlett, in 'Gone with the Wind'.
We hang on to memories of innocent joys, when we didn't know we could make lives complicated.
@Candid Confessions - I don't think I meant that in a malicious way. Rather because a strong person generally cannot lean on a weaker fellow for support (emotional, physical, financial or what have you), the strong are required to be self-sufficient and hence lonely to a large extent.
But yes I agree with you too, there are a lot of people who find themselves alone because of the path the took to their successes.
@dreamer - You go gurl! Lets not give up just yet eh?! Meanwhile you know what our happy ending is na? You and me and a shack on the beach (for the unknown reader I mean this in the most asexual way, trust me!)
@cuckoo - you got that right! That was exactly the thought at the back of my mind. Whatever decisions we take and whatever peaks we reach we always have the hope for something better and that is what keeps us alive and kicking! Absolutely!
i thought u had a post earlier also on airports........but just went thru the old ones and there weren't! :) guess i got confused :)
@zee - lol! thats alright! I can't believe you went through all the posts tho :)
quite well-written..for a moment though i thought it was a dream in another
Somehow you remind me as a female version of the antogonist in the 'Fight Club'!
But as a guy, I tend to relate everything in life to either 'Fight Club' or 'The Godfather' :P
Nice blog- just got into office, but I'm taking time off later to read more!
@satyajit - thank you!
@bullshee - lookin' forward to your feedback! :)
a quiet desperation in those eyes.... i liked...
@anahat - thank you!
so true!!! agree with ruchi, first ending is the realistic one...
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