Half Sweet n' Half Nuts

So what's next??

I'm a person who likes plans. I don't like changes and I don't like surprises. I definitely don't like not knowing what's next! I need to know what's next. Even if I'm not doing anything next I need to know that so that I can be prepared to vegetate! I do not like "playing it by the ear" or "going with the flow"... unless I plan to do so in which case I actually think up all my options in advance and decide what I will feel like doing when I'm "playing it by the ear" :-)

So when I reach a place in my life where I have 3 months more of planned activity and the rest of my life in a haze its not surprising that I panic. I don't know what is going to happen after I graduate in May. I don't know where I'm going to get a job or even if I'm going to get a job. I don't know how long my funds will last to stay here without a job. I don't even know what I'm going to do if I don't get a job.

All I think about is what if? What if it really does come to worst case scenario? What if I really don't have a clue? What if none of it works out? Besides being a complete waste of (lots of) money and time and effort, what will I do? I mean for the rest of my life... what will I do?

Maybe this will have to be one of those posts that just don't have a clean wrap up end. Till I get to May 2007 I guess I will just have to fret!