Half Sweet n' Half Nuts

Have you realized how difficult it is to start writing the first line? There could be a zillion things running through your mind but when it comes to typing out the words, the first line of any post is the toughest. Especially when you have spent almost a month in absentia, lurking and reading what everyone else has to say but not obliged to voice your thoughts on every issue.

Oh well! Now that that's out of the way maybe I'll have better luck with the rest of this post. And since I've been away for over a month (moments of creative outbursts notwithstanding), this post is going to be another long one. So, buckle up people and get ready for the ride!

A lot has happened over the last few weeks. It has taught me a lot about myself and given me a few clues on how I want to live my life. An unfortunate happenstance (I never thought I'd get to use that word) left me a little broken hearted and sent me on an emotional roller-coaster which, in turn, completely upset the apple cart at work. The weeks that followed were a complete daze and I couldn't tell the weekend apart from a weekday or noon from midnight. We got some impossible projects from an impossible client with, of course, impossible deadlines. My vacation got canceled, as did any hope of a normal life. It was crazy, but to be honest, I loved every minute of it. There's a strange satisfaction to having a purpose to your day. The insanely long work hours were just what I needed to not dwell on any heartbreak issues I may have had. And after all of this, I’m so ready for this long weekend that I have had all planned out!

Anyways, cutting to the chase, through all of it this is what I learned:

I want to get married some day. I don't like being single. I think it was the motivation to "settle down" that made me "fall in love" with someone who I cared for a lot but was not quite right for me. And in spite of this episode, I think I could very easily make the same mistake again.

I don't want to have an "arranged marriage". These last two months have made me realize, more than ever before, that I want my love story and happy ending. I don't want it concocted in a lab of bio-datas, horoscopes and photographs. I want that chance meeting, that initial rush, the hesitation and the love at first sight. And I don't want to compromise on this because I know I'm not a bad person and I deserve to get my love story.

It is important to be around people who make you feel good about yourself. If someone is constantly telling you how you could do better or how you're doing things wrong, it's going to eat into your self-esteem and make you self-conscious. At the same time, there are very few people who will honestly tell you when you're doing something wrong. With the exception of your parents, there is probably no one who will bother to tell you about the small things you miss out on yourself, like how you behave in a given social situation, or how you come across to strangers. Accept the criticism, mull over it and either make good use of it or let it go. Most importantly, know yourself and the kind of person you want to be. And be honest, at least to yourself.

I learned a little about maturity. Not too much though, just a little. Maturity is about facing unpleasant situations with grace and dignity. Coming face-to-face with a friend with whom I haven't seen eye-to-eye for a while now (and probably won't ever either) I realized it doesn't always work out with the people you meet in life. Be it a broken engagement or a lost friendship, when you are around someone, you ought to be civil and warm, just like your mother taught you to be. You do not give in to petty emotional outbursts and "be frank" and "vent" or "clear the air". It takes a certain amount of maturity to understand that each person does as they think fit in a situation and that may sometimes hurt you. But it's not all about you. So don't let anyone else change your positivism. A lady never quarrels.

And then I learned that it takes one drunken, hysterical moment to forget all that you ever learned about restraint and every thing you tried to be mature about just comes gushing out in the ugliest form possible. So I think for now I'll stick to being immature and letting someone know straight up when I'm upset with them. It keeps the soul lighter, I guess.

Never mix your work life with your personal life. I know most people will read this and roll their eyes at me for not having realized this earlier. It's something everyone knows but a lot of people slip up on. The minute I took my emotional baggage to the office, everything went down hill. Be the best you can be at what you do. Take pride in what you do. It's a great ego and morale boost when you excel at what you do. Don't lose out on the opportunity to love your work.

I have realized I am a terrible homemaker. I do the laundry and don't bother putting it away. I do the groceries and then don’t bother cooking till all my groceries go bad and I have to throw them away. I pick up my mail after weeks and then leave it unopened by the shoe stand for a few more weeks. Everything in my house is in piles: piles of papers (bills, statements, and the aforementioned mail), clothes, groceries and dishes. I invariably fall asleep in the living room watching TV, using my nicely done up bedroom as a walk-in closet, unless I have guests, of course. I keep telling myself I need to grow up and stop living in a "hostel" mode, when someone else is responsible for cleaning up after me all the time. I also fear this may prove to be a problem when I do have someone else in my life (and home).

I learned that apparently fashion matters. I agree appearances do go a long way in making an impression on the people around you, but I always thought if one was dressed neatly and in clean clothes, it was sufficient. Apparently not. The term "well-dressed" doesn't merely imply a simple, clean appearance, but rather how well you fit in with the times you live in. So trends are important. And dressing smart isn't all about what you're comfortable in or what you have always worn. It's a constant effort and a habit that a lot of successful people inculcate within themselves over a period of time. Sigh! I also realize I really can't bring myself to care about fashion. And in spite of knowing the importance of dressing well, I'm always going to be a "jeans-and-shirt" kind of girl.

A single weekend of "veg-ing out" with friends can restore your cheer and goodwill, especially if it follows months of slavery which required spending never-ending hours at work. A little sympathy and acknowledgment from friends and family makes all the hard work seem worth it.

If I had wings, I would fly. Far away, every day, I would fly; fly as high as a kite.

And keeping with the spirit of the day, I hope these lessons take me into a better next year! Happy New Year everybody!